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Should I continue my book?

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So, back story..

I’ve always been an avid reader and I can sometimes, read a book and say, “I can do this! That wouldn’t be too hard”.

So, one day I did. I sat down and wrote 3 chapters.. I’ve just rediscovered them and reread everything and think it has potential, but I didn’t have any sort of structure/planning on it. I just sat down and wrote chapter by chapter.

The question in my mind now is, do I continue writing it with more structure and planning? OR do I give in and give up? I don’t know if I’m passionate in my “book” so I feel like I’m not going to love writing it.

Okay, if you’re thinking I need a snidbit of what this book is about, I have it in my wattpad, https://my.w.tt/Z17qmCGZQ6.

Time to be “relatable”. Have you ever taken a couple of hobbies that seem so fun and cool and easy, but as soon as you do you get the stuff for it and start it, it’s not as fun as you thought?

That’s my situation I’m in right now. I’ve gotten so many hobbies, photography, nails (acrylic) writing, psychology, etc. Well, if you’re still reading, let me know what you think? I’d sure appreciate the help.

I’m back. 5 year update.

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Hey… wasn’t really planned to write anything but I just remembered my blog and honestly am so embarrassed with what I wrote.

Are you kidding me? why didn’t anyone tell me how terrible that was? I hate the way I wrote, the way I swore, the way I acted.

Let’s start with some updates I guess?

1. I’ve obviously aged. 26 years old. Not much to say about that!

2. I graduated college (Associate’s Degree). No I didn’t do anything with it so, I currently owe $18000 for a whole lot of nothing. I mean let me not act like it wasn’t an achievement because it is an I’m glad I did it!

3. I have a job and I’ve been working there for close to two years now. The weirdest part is that it’s a call center of all places. If you remember, I’ve had sever social anxiety my whole life. This did help with my anxiety.

4. I no longer do drugs! I’ve just never really enjoyed them. They always had some negative side effect, therefore not being worth it. I’m sure you’re glad to find out I’ve never gotten addicted to anything.

5. I don’t have any cats. The income based housing I was living in didn’t allow it and I know it was stupid of me. I’ve always love and obsessed over cats, so I thought I could put smart the complex by sneaking. Never worked. I now have a free roam bunny and her name, of all names, is Kitty.

6. I’m still with the same man I talked about before. Another update about this is that I’m not airing my dirty laundry on here anymore, aka, not going to vent about relationship stuff. That’s tacky. No thanks.

7. If you’ve come this far and there’s actually someone reading, comment watermelon sugar.

8. I got pregnant. I was four months along when I had a miscarriage. It tore me up, but call it terrible, it was a blessing in disguise. I don’t want kids and I nor my boyfriend were in the least bit mature enough to raise a child.

9. My music taste changed. Well, kinda. I don’t think I knew my preferred genre till more recently. Id like to say if you cling to a single genre that’s a sad life. I’m more of an alternative/ indie person now but I like all sorts. If I continue blogging I’ll make music a whole post because frankly it’s a huge piece of my life.

Welp, if you’re still here. Thanks. I’m not expecting much but I thought I’d update a few things. I was kind of a loser before and I’m ashamed by some on the things I wrote. Honestly though, if I deleted them that almost be like deleting the old me, and that’s how I became the person I am today. Thanks for reading!

Special draft: The Pen

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Special draft: The Pen

The Pen

Chapter 1

My name is Jennifer Morris. I am 17 years old and I’m a fairly normal teenage girl. I usually do as I am told. Most people would call me a “goody two shoes”. That’s mainly because I am in no shape or form adventurous. I barely like venturing into the woods behind the back of my house. I did once with my best friends Melissa McConnell. She is the adventurous one. Melissa is and has been my best friends since we were both babies. Our parents knew each other from high school. Now, even though our parents have stopped hanging out together, Melissa and I have kept hanging out. We do anything and everything together. All the way from homework to gossiping about the new hot guy.

“Mel that’s ridiculous he just started going here you can’t just walk up to him and ask him out. He hasn’t even had a full day here. He’s going to think your some boy crazed girl.”

“I AM a boy crazed girl! Look at him he is totally hot and I call dibs!!!” Mel says loud enough for the popular girls in on the next table in the cafeteria can hear. God she can really be embarrassing.

“Really? You are insane.” I say crouching in my seat to try and become a little less visible from the cute guy sitting just diagonal from us.

Mel and I are nothing alike. We even look like complete opposites. Mel stands tall and perfectly proportioned where a model would be jealous. She has long blonde wavy hair that just about reaches the top of her butt. She is always dressed perfectly. She is talkative, VERY outgoing, and loves adventure. Mel has so many friends I don’t even think she can count on her fingers and toes. One the other hand there’s me. I am short, skinny, flat like an iron board, and about the shyest person you will ever meet. We walk out of the café to go to our last period classes. Knowing Mel will meet me by my locker after class and get on the bus to go home.

Mel’s adventurous side is what led us to the biggest shock in our entire lives. It all started with our usual routine. We get dropped off of the bus after school at our houses. Mel tells her mom she is coming over and while usually I sit on my tree swing nibbling on a snack while doing my homework, Mel either joins me or when she don’t have any homework she will venture off to the woods behind my house. See these woods aren’t like a forest. There’s the patch of trees with a small river flowing through a few miles and then you hit the creepy house. About another mile or two down the river we hit the highway past town. This is Mel’s favorite thing about my house. She loves the woods.

I don’t usually go back there but on occasion I do when I have nothing else to do. Mainly on the weekends. Mel and I would usually just walk down the river. Then about a mile before we get to the abandoned house we turn back and go home. Once when I was about 10 years old I decided to get brave and let Mel drag me into the house. We were walking down by the river and Mel like usual talked just about the entire way.

“Did you hear Ms. Mathews is having a baby? I thought she was just fat! Ew Jackie told me that when you have a baby you poop! I don’t think it’s true. Mommy told me that when the time is right she will tell me but Miranda said she will tell me if I give her 5$ I don’t know if I want to.” She skips over I huge rock and almost falls.

“Mellie please stop talking about that it’s GROSS!” I say while she’s busy steadying herself.

Mel looks at me with a big smirk.

“What?” I say knowing that look and knowing full well that’s her “I got a secret” look.

“Oh nothing. I just heard something cool today at recess.” She peaked my curiosity.

“Okay? What is it?” I say very suspicious.

“OH LOOK” Mel jumps in excitement. “We’re here!” I take it she will tell me later so I let it go for now. We get to the door and I’m usually nervous but Mel’s excitement is helping. While we were checking it out we got to the bedroom I heard something. Like talking but I can’t quite hear it.

“Did you hear that Mellie?” I say squirming out of fear. Pulling on Mel’s sleeve it try pulling her back.

“No. Calm down you little baby this is COOL!” She starts wandering around the room. That’s when I hear it. It was faint but it was distinctive and chilling to the bone. It was someone yelling my name.

“Jennifer! GET OUT!” After I heard that I didn’t hesitate. I dashed out as fast as my tiny child legs can go.

Today was another one of those days. No homework with nothing to do. Sadly my parents haven’t gone grocery shopping so there wasn’t even any snacks. My parents have a very busy life. My mother a truck driver believe it or not and my father a personal accountant. They are both so busy I barely ever see them. I think that may be why I clung to Mel so much. Anyway I have decided today that I would go with Mel to the house. She is always begging me to go and no matter how brave she acts she never wanted to go in without me. What better way to ignore a grumbling stomach than fear itself.

“omhguhd REALLY?! Jenny if you’re screwing with me right now I’m going to kill you! I’ve been waiting so long to go in there. I mean we really do need more for our collection. OMGGHHODD I hope we find a bunch of stuff! Let’s grab our backpacks see who can fill more!” She is so excited I think I might even see her skin trembling with excitement. What a dork.

“Geez Mel chill out! You’re acting like I just gave you a diamond ring. But yes, let’s grab a few things I guess. You know I think I might be regretting this already.” I say the last part quiet so Mel didn’t hear.

We walk back towards the house and grab our now empty backpacks. I grab us both a flashlight and some sanitizer. Seriously you never know what you are going to touch in an old abandoned house like that. We also grab a few more necessities like toilet paper. We will be out there for a while and I am NOT using a leaf. We take a few granola bars Mel had stashed in her purse and last but not least our trusty pocket knives Mel’s crazy hunter father gave us a long time ago.

After we have our packs full I leave a note telling my father that I’m at Mel’s house and that I won’t be gone past 10 o’clock PM. Unfortunately I can’t tell him I’m going into the woods mainly because my workaholic father thinks we will get lost and that means less time working and more finding him. Yeah my dad loves his work like it’s the son he never had. So every time I go in the woods I say I’m at Mel’s and her dad will tell my dad that we are there because her dad is awesome and knows his daughters sense of adventure. After all is set and ready we start our trek to the woods. I check my phone for any texts or calls. My mom texted saying she will be home tomorrow night. Thank god. I miss her she is usually driving for weeks at a time.

“This is going to be so much fun Jenny bear! So why did you decide to come? I mean it’s been what forever since we went there and you wigged out. By the way you did never tell me what that happened! It’s not fair I haven’t gone in there because of YOU!” Mel says with a hurt look on her face. I swear if she wanted to she could win an Oscar.

“Just got spooked is all.” I said shakily. I never told Mel because even though she’s my best friend I don’t think that she would believe me. I mean she didn’t even hear the voice.

“So I had the cute new boy in my last period! Isn’t that Exciting?! Guess what is name is! Come one Jenn GUESS!” Mel says way too happy for whatever his name is.

“I don’t know… Billy Bob?” She looks at me with the biggest grimace on her face. But laughs at my answer. Pulling her super long hair into somehow a PERFECT messy bun. How does that even happen? I touch my short hair full of moose pulled back as much as I could get it.

“No! Greg Phillips! Oh my god isn’t that dreamy! Imagine Jen, Mellissa Phillips… ahh so perfect! I roll my eyes at her day dreaming. I mean that actually a normal and plain name. Seeing how she acts though if the guy is cute enough I don’t think she would care is his name is Billy bob.

While we walk on the trail next to the river, if you want to call this mud slop a trail, Mel talking the whole way. I pretty much drowned it out and nod and say the few

“wow that’s crazy” and also some

“oh no she did not!”

We get to the spot where I usually turn around. I look over at Mel and tell her I was thinking of walking back.

“NOO… You can’t change your mind now!” she wines.

“Come on Mel, it really creeps me out.” I say staring at my half polished nails. “It is freaky but you just got my hopes up! How can you do this to me!!!?” She looks at me with large wet eyes like she might actually cry.

Yup the Oscar is hers. Finally when her chin actually quivers I take pity on her attempt of the perfect puppy dog eyes.

“Fine! Geeze you baby! If a ghost gets me I SWEAR I will haunt you and send all your nudes to the losers in school and the very creepy Mr. Rogers!”

Chapter 2

We walk into the swollen door that looks like termites had for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The boards of the broken down house squeak under our feet. As I stand in the doorway a shiver runs all the way up and back down my spine like someone just trailed their finger there.

“This place is way creepier than I remember.” I say silently freaking out.

“Oh come on Jenny this is the best house I’ve ever excavated. I hope there’s a lot of stuff to bring to the collection. I wonder….” She continues as she walks away.

Too excited to stop and finish talking to me. She isn’t new to the rodeo when it comes to going to abandoned houses. Her and some of her millions of braver than thou friends go out and check out the few abandoned houses in town. But none were as old as this one.

I walk into the kitchen and calm when I see how neat the 50’s style kitchen ware is. I see this awesome salt and pepper shaker sitting on the rotting table they are glass so when I wipe them off they look brand new. I drop them carefully into my bag and go back into the living room. There’s not much there but I do see I tall book shelf. It looks like it’s just about to fall over. So I’m very careful looking through the books. Most of them are moth eaten and moldy. I do see one that, other than all the dust, looks brand new. I pull it out but before I can look at it and see what kind of book it is I hear a loud ear piercing scream. I was just about ready to bolt out of the house thinking back to that freaky warning so many years ago. Then I realize that its Mel’s voice screaming.

I quickly drop the book into my bag not wanting to leave it behind. Running towards Mel’s screeching voice, I find her in the second room down the narrow hall. She’s babbling nonsense.

“What the hell happened? Why did you scream? Did you hear something? Is there someone in the house?” I ask all the questions freaking out wondering what is wrong.

“ohmuhguhhdd omuhguhdd OHMYGOD!!!!” she yells. She is jumping around frantically searching the floor for something.

“WHAT. HAPPENED!” I screamed at her holding her shoulders. Which I had to reach up to since we have such a height difference. Snapping out of her stupor she looked at me dead in the eye.

“A giant ass rat just ran over my foot! It touched me Jenny! I think I need to sanitize my entire foot! Where is the sanitizer?!” I instantly stop my freaking out and punch her as hard as I can in her arm.

“OW! What was that for?!” she looks baffled at my reaction.

Again with the award winning puppy dog eyes that will one day break a man’s heart in two.

“You freaking made me think someone was in here going to murder you Melissa! God Mel! This place is freaky enough without you screaming about a DAMN rat! What is wrong with you!?”

After I ran out of steam Mel looks at me and a smile breaks open on her face. I try and fight my smile which for some reason makes Mel start giggling. After that we both start dying of laughter. When we both stop laughing we are slightly winded. I look around the room. It’s small. I’m thinking it was once a child’s room. There was a toddler’s size bed on the wall under a window. The window long been smashed out. The bed is mainly just the frame and springs with a few pieces of foam. In the corner there is a beautiful wooden crib. Looks like it could have been hand carved. For some reason it felt special in fact standing in this room makes me feel kind of fuzzy like I just drank a large cup of strong coffee. Couldn’t put my finger on it though. It’s probably just because of how bare it is in here for being a child’s room. I turn to Mel and ask her if she found anything yet.

She looks sad and disappointed and said

“Only this. I think it’s a pen it’s kind of cool but I don’t know how to use it. I was hoping to find more things.”

I take the pen looking thing and check it out. It is about the same size as a pen but I don’t see where to click it. Or how the pen comes out. I give up and drop it in my bag. Maybe I can figure it out later I need to look at that book later anyways.

“Let’s hurry up and check out the rest of the place so I can get out of here!” I say walking out to the narrow hallway.

I see where there once was pictures hung up on the wall. I can tell because there is a very slight color difference. Like they were there so long the light faded the wallpaper. I was looking along the walls at the many squares, wondering what kind of pictures where there. Was it family pictures? Or scenery photos. I get a glimpse because there was one remaining photo one the left side of the hallway.

I had to wipe the many layers of dust off but when I did get to the picture I froze. Is what I’m seeing real? I stare at a woman that looks an awful lot like me. When I look closer I see the pen thing that Mel found in the children’s room. And in the woman’s right hand she holds on her lap the very book that I have in my bag. Mel has moved on to the other room so I stand in the hallway alone. What the hell is going on? Who is this woman and why do we look so alike and is it just a coincidence that I grabbed the exact objects that this women holds. I take the picture out of the frame and look on the back to see if there is anything written there. There is to my relief. It says,

“Amanda Morris ‘65”

I hear Mel saying something so I run to where she is in the house. To see what she wanted, but before, I put the picture in my bag. I don’t know why but I have this feeling like I shouldn’t say anything to her. Which is weird because I don’t ever keep anything from her. Except for the voice that I heard that day we were 10. I hear a voice in my head like when I’m thinking but this time it’s not really my voice. It almost did sound like me but older. More mature. It scared me at first, but almost instantly I felt like I should trust it. I tried concentrating on this familiar voice. When I was able to hear what it said it freaked me out it said,

“Leave now Jennifer! You are in danger. Grab Melissa and GET OUT!” I jumped because it was like someone screaming in my head.

I run to Mel and grab her by the arm trying to pull her out of the room. But when I look at Mel’s face her complexion isn’t only fair it was pure white. I look up and her eyes where that of a trapped animal. I try to pull her again but she doesn’t move.

“Jenny… i… can’t… move…” a tear rolls down her cheek.

“What do you mean you can’t move?! COME ON!! We need to leave now Mellie! I don’t know what’s going on…”I few tears escape my eyes. I’m scared and I’m starting to lose my grip.

That’s when I hear the voice again. This time it’s easier to hear the woman.

“Listen to me Jennifer. You need to calm down. Listen to me very carefully. You are too late. They have Melissa and you need to take the pen out and the book you grabbed. NOW!” Calming myself I did as I was told and took them out.

“Okay what do I do now?” I say my voice shaking holding the tears in. knowing I need to stay calm and listen to this voice in my head.

“Now open the book to any page and hold the pen like you would like any other pen.” Her words calm and abrupt. Loud in my head.

“Okay now what?” calming a little knowing for some reason if I listen to everything she says everything will be alright.

“Now write who you are and to tell the demons to release Melissa McConnell.” With a shaky hand and confused on how anything is going to go on the page seeing as there isn’t any place to hold the ink. I hold onto the pen and it glows a bright pink.

“GREAT! You have the power!” I flinch on how loud her voice is. It’s like she is right next to me. I can hear Mel whimpering next to me.

“Jennifer hurry you need to write it down before they take her forever.” Take her forever? Who? After hearing that I quickly write:

“This is Jennifer Morris. I command you release Melissa McConnell.” To my surprise the words I wrote glowed on the page as if they were made of light. They were the same color as the pen when I first took a hold of it. For a second I was mesmerized by the glowing words on the page.

“Quick Jenn you need to slam the book closed before the command disappears!” I snapped out of it and slammed the book closed as soon as the book was shut Mel dropped to the floor.

Tub time thoughts

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Hello loves!!

So, it’s bath time! This is a first for me. Blogging in the tub. I think it is a good thinking time and I thought mind as well blog while I have the time. By the way I am white knuckling this phone because no matter how much I want one I don’t have a fancy waterproof phone case.

I was trying to read my book (The Regulators by Richard Bachman) but it’s the big hard cover edition and that fucker was heavy. So, I gave up. Don’t you judge you butt holes! Just kidding iwuvsyouuuu! ♡♡♡ I don’t know if you guys have read that book but if you have not you should! Well, if you like psychological thriller/scifi. It’s insane! That’s all I’ll say though don’t want to have to put a spoiler alert.

I will admit to you guys/gals I have a new obsession. . I kind of jumped on the twenty one pilot band wagon.. I KNOW! everyone does now a days but, come on they are AMAZING!! and I have a crush on the lead dude. He so freaking awkwardly cute! ♡♡

As always, thank you for reading! I love you guys and gals! ♡♡

☆📚ADDipsy📚☆

How does this work? 😦

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I honestly don’t really read any other blogs. I just one day wanted to get some stuff off my shoulders and also wanted others to read and maybe connect to what’s going on in my life. I was thinking I can make it sort of like a diary but with others giving advice/opinions.

I posted on another app for people to check out my blog. I wanted to see if people thought I was interesting. There was one guy that have me some descent constructive criticism. He told me that it sounded to him like reading someone’s secret journal. He also said I needed to make it more relatable to others. How the hell am I suppose to do that?

I could always do the lame shit everyone does. Something like “10 hottest dirty cops!” But what fun is that? I want to share with people what’s going on in my life. That’s more of what I thought a blog was for.. am I wrong?

See, I like to write. That’s what I want to do for a living. I’m even already writing a fantasy book(I haven’t written anything new in months). So u thought if I start writing on a blog the writing could come a bit easier. Not like it’s very hard for me. The hard part for me would be deciding what to write about.

People reading if your reading, I am extremely willing for any or all opinions and constructive criticism.

As always thank you for reading! Love you all! Muah! 💋

💕ADDipsy💕

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Vlog?🤔📷

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So I was thinking of doing a Vlog on here as well as written blog. I want to do it at least until I can see if I can get comfortable in front of a camera so I can make a YouTube channel. I was going to start right off with that, but I knew that I needed to shake off the awkwardness.
I honestly feel like I am a likable person. I want to share my thoughts and ideas with people. I know I can do that on here but I would like to see if I can do it face to camera! 💖
Tell me people should I try?? 🙋🏻🙋🏻 Like always, Thank you for reading. Till next time!

-ADDipsy💖

Many months later!

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Hello peeps! I know it’s been a long time not like there’s much people reading but.. “stay positive ADDipsy!”
So there’s been a lot going on lately. Not going to describe everything but ill fill you in a bit. Same ol’ sit on my ass all day but now that its the middle of summer I’m also sweating my ass off! And i thought i wanted to move to the south.. HA!
Me and Mr man found a nice trail behind the dandy. We like to walk it on the nicer days. It also has wild black berries…. mmmmmmm i snag a few here n there. Even though i can be chewing animal pee or pesticides. OH WELL! I’m not dying. 😂
Another thing that’s new is i found a new therapist. I like her. She actually cares what i say. I don’t feel judged like i use to with others. Our first meet she offered me a cherry. Why Nance you already stole the key to my heart! 😇
Thanks for reading if your reading! MUAH! ♡♡

Music and reading!

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My two loves. Reading and music!
                      READING!
God i can go on forever about my reading obsession!

“Why do you love reading ADDipsy?”
    Well that’s a good question me! Its been an out for me forever. Its the only way i can get out of my own depressing world. See, i have a HUGE imagination so when i read its like a movie to me. Its almost like i get sucked out of my world into something amazing, scary, interesting and fun world!

“Addipsy What’s your favorite type of book?”
    Another good one! Fantasy and sci-fi. The reason i like those so much is simple. Their extraordinary. Their different and crazy. Like i said i like getting out of this world. So why not go into a world where you can do things like fly or go into the Fae world (world where different species of faeries live)

“Do you like to read different genre’s?”
    Of course i do! I try to read others. Like i like horror. Dean Koontz and Steven King at two author’s i like to read. Maybe a little romance here and there. HEY! Don’t you judge me! I’m only human. I mean who don’t like a little hearts and flowers from time to time!
                        
                        Music!
“Why do like music?”
   Just like reading it gives me and out. I like listening to music so loud i can’t possibly think of other things! “But ADDipsy you can harm your hearing!” Awe how thoughtful of you guys! Yeah i know but its nice to be able to block out the world and enjoy my music. It makes me happy. I can be in the shittiest mood and play one of my favorite songs and things will be set on pause. Of coarse as soon as i stop things will still be there but at least that way i can calm myself.
“Whats you favorite band/singer?”
    Right now I’d have to say Ed Sheeran! I LOVE his voice! My favorite song from him is “Give me love” it makes me happy! I love the beat. He’s not like a lot of the other singers these days where their songs are edited so extremely that you barely recognize them live.

“Do you listen to the same type of music as you did when you where younger?”
    Not exactly i mean i did live my calming music like when i was a preteen i use to listen to Jack Johnson and i still love him! But i was kinda weird. Emo weird. I would listen to the depressing music my family “didn’t understand!” God makes me cringe just thinking of that embarrassing time in my life!

“Are you a radio kinda of person?”
    Yes! Im the kinda girl that will find a song on the radio and get OBSESSED! So as its playing a million and one times in the radio I’m not bothered. Actually i love it. In fact i listen to the radio every time i take a shower.. cuz you guys care what i do in the shower… 😂

    Well there’s a little more about me you didnt know and now you do! Yay youuuuu! If you want to know more comment some questions ill make sure to tell you everything i can!
    Thanks for reading if your reading! MUAH! ♡♡

Lessons Learned At A Coffee Shop

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Down With The Norm

I am notorious for my ability to hold in my grievances when I am physically interacting with someone, and then letting my frustration consume me until I am around my kin, whom I feel comfortable ranting my pants off to. Somebody will offend or frustrate me, and in the heat of the moment, I brush it off or even agree with the perpetrator, meanwhile, a flurry of anger swirls within my little self.

Today, my mom and I went for coffee because we are addicts. Also because the best of conversations are had over coffee, and it was raining. My mom left her phone in the car, so we were free of distractions. I saw this as an opportune moment to release some of the anger i’d been stewing over for the past few days regarding someone who shalt not be named because this is the World Wide Web, and…

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discouraged..

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1:21 pm

Thursday,May 28, 2015

Okay yes I’m human I admit I get discouraged at times. For example, now I sit here looking through everyone’s blogs and I see all these comments and likes and shit. I’ll admit I am envious.. not like I want to be popular I just want to see that people are reading and acknowledging my posts.

I honestly feel like I’m doing this for my own eyes.. I know I’m not this hotshot blogger that’s blogged for years. Yes I just started, but I got all excited thinking like it was going to be all these things it’s not.

One thing though is its very therapeutic. If I’m in a pissy mood I can just start writing away but if I wanted that I would of just wrote in a journal. I want insight on things that I’m going through that I can write about on Facebook.

Any who I guess I’m just discouraged. This time though I am not going to give up. I want people to hear my story! Even if it’s a little boring! 😛

Thanks for reading if your reading! MUAH! :*